Waterproof Water

Look, we took water and made it waterproof. Yeah. Let that sink in. (The sink can't use this water though, it'll just slide right off) Okay so APPARENTLY—and I cannot stress enough how much I argued against this in the lab—regular water has a fatal flaw: it gets wet. I know, I know, "but water IS wet"—WRONG. Or right. Honestly, the philosophy department won't return my calls. So we invented Hydrophobic Hydration™ which is just a fancy way of saying we bullied water molecules into rejecting their own kind. We gave water social anxiety. Are we proud of this? No. Did we do it anyway? Obviously. Each bottle contains 500ml of premium waterproof water that we sourced from the driest water springs in Antarctica (yes that's a thing now, don't worry about it). The waterproof coating lasts 24 hours after opening, which gives you plenty of time to drink it before it becomes regular disappointing wet water again. WARNING: Do NOT mix with regular water. They'll fight. It gets messy. We've seen things. Things we can't unsee.