Gravity-Defying Butter

Regular butter is so... grounded. It just sits there, being butter, respecting gravity like some kind of conformist dairy product. Not our butter. Our butter has ambitions. Our butter spreads UP. We've reverse-engineered the gravitational constant specifically for this butter. It spreads upward, sideways, and in directions that don't technically exist in three-dimensional space. Physics teachers have tried to explain it. They can't. We've broken them. The butter comes in a special container that you open from the bottom. When you spread it, it defies gravity and moves upward. Your toast? The butter spreads from the bottom up. Your pancakes? The butter climbs. Your existential dread? Also climbs, but that's unrelated. WARNING: Do not use this butter near open windows. It will spread upward and escape. We've lost three containers to the sky. They're probably still spreading somewhere in the upper atmosphere.